How do you explain to someone that taking a certain job, or making a big move in your life, could just be taking a step back? Its one thing to step sideways, but no one should ever, ever move backwards.

When exactly do you know its over? Is it something that you feel, but at the time, you can't precisely pinpoint what it is that you're feeling? I think its over. I'd like to think it was when I became a hopeless romantic with an endless optimism in matters of the heart. Maybe that's the moment everything started going down hill. Even that's a little blurry. In hindsight, it could've started out on the descent, but I'm too damn stubborn to just let go and tumble all the way down to the bottom.

Cocktails. I love the way this word sounds. The way it promises a few minutes of fun or celebration or bliss or relaxation. Or instant courage...

"Cocktail is a stimulating liquor composed of spirits of any kind, sugar, water, and bitters--it is vulgarly called a bittered sling and is supposed to be an excellent electioneering potion, inasmuch as it renders the heart stout and bold, at the same time that it fuddles the head. It is said, also to be of great use to a Democratic candidate: because a person, having swallowed a glass of it, is ready to swallow anything else."

Is it too much to ask for reliability or accountability from someone? I'm well aware that I haven't always been the most flexible person or even the easiest person to get along with, but some common decency and sticking to your word would be appreciated. Maybe I'm under-reacting. I know I've more than over-reacted on multiple occasions. And having this pointed out to me means that I'm well aware of the problem, and thus avoid it. But where is that line that says, "Please, feel free to over-react. Its allowed." I'm tired of letting people walk all over me. What happened to the person who used to be able to walk all over everyone else? That's not me anymore. And now I read this and think that the neurons are firing in the wrong directions in my brain and that if it weren't for my health, I'd really have nothing in this world.

And what's up with Martha? It's terrible. I loved the old Martha show, all the little Martha shows on HGTV and FoodTv. I think maybe the whole live audience is the problem. I want to see Martha making souffles and duck confit and how to fashion a better ribbon, notions, and craft suplly organizer out of an old wardrobe. I don't want to see her making baked apples in the microwave or watch her teach a Desperate Housewife how to scramble eggs. Those are things I learned to do at the age of 8, and anyone in the target demographic hopefully learned to do them before they could drive a car. There's a reason she was called a Domestic Diva: she used to show us how to do the impossible with an impossible ease in a spotless, starched shirt in an immaculately clean kitchen or some greenhouse she built herself. She didn't earn that title by doing the mundane; she earned it by doing the magnificent. And I liked it when she got snide little comments in when her celebrity guests weren't quite performing up to her standards. Plus, not pushing the culinary bar means that we can't do shots every time Martha tastes the dish to see just how delicious it is.

I'll admit that I don't stay up to date on current events. I should really consider watching CNN sometime, as opposed to Landscaper's Challenge or Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee. In an effort to find out what's going on in our world, I decided to check out msnbc.com. Some how I find myself gravitating towards not news stories and world events, but lame articles. Did you hear about the guy in Beijing who was selling Siberian tiger meat at his restaurant? That rose some suspicion in a few people who checked it out and found out he was really selling donkey meat, marinated in tiger urine. Or, did you know that Martha likes to use her Brazilian machete to crack open coconuts? What good is this information? I suppose I find real news stories a little too depressing for my taste and the diversion of random facts appeals considerably more to me. Maybe I'll just check out the big headlines so I'm not completely in the dark about the goings-on in our world.

It's the First of September. Maybe Green Day knew better, and maybe I should've just say 'Wake me up when September ends'. That way, I can just go through the motions and avoid what I believe to be a deluge of trying times. Well, emotionally avoid them, and then deal with the aftermath. Sometimes its better that way; come in after the storm and start picking things up, as opposed to watching as its happening. But only afterward, can you discern the magnitude of damage. Previous experience in the 'Emotionally Check-out' area has taught me otherwise. Maybe I should just stay awake and roll with the punches and know why things are the way they are a month from now, what transpired to create the disarray.

At least Martha is finally free of that damn ankle bracelet...I suppose now, the domestic diva extraordinaire might have more to offer than just baking and Good Things. I'll bet she'd say 'Roll with it; it'll be over in no time'.

What if we all had to get permission to get drunk, like Martha Stewart has to until March 2007?

Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only disease that you can get yelled at for having.
'Dammit Ben, you're an alcoholic.'
'Dammit Chris, you have Lupis.'

One of those two doesn't sound right.